((Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do about it. That trauma happened. It’s always going to be there, in your background, and it plays a part in defining who you are.
But ultimately who you decide to be is still up to you. Regarding the pain that was experienced, you need to make a decision of whether or not you’ll let yourself adopt the bad traits of those who caused that pain, or if you’ll strive to never cause that sort of pain to anyone.
On a separate note, the depression and anxiety that you developed because of trauma is not actually who you are; how you’re supposed to be is when you’re not in pain or distress. In a traumatic situation your brain comes up with ways to cope with problems.
For example: my father was unpredictable with his moods. Coming home from school I’d never know if he was in a good mood or a bad one until I actually got off the bus and stepped through the door. So as a coping mechanism, my brain learned that I can’t hope in that situation as it would lead to disappointment and sadness. Being anxious, in my mind at the time, was more acceptable as if I was met with a bad mood for my father, there would be no disappointment, but if I was met with a good mood there would be relief. Relief felt a lot better than disappointment.
I’m sorry that this got wordy, but I hope it helps some. I didn’t mean to go on a tangent but hey – it’s out there now.
The Perfect Scientist 