Random Starters:

“If I die today make sure the world knows that Sporty Spice was the best Spice Girl there ever was.”
“Fuck you Baby Spice was the best to ever exist and I’ll make sure they put it on your headstone.”
“Let’s play a game called Provoke The Murderous Geese. You can go first.”
“Kissing him is like kissing a jelly fish.”
“If you tell me to Bing it one more time I’m going to break this laptop over your head.”
“Is that a dead body or a sex doll?”
“You are to me what NASCAR is to chocolate pudding.”
“I’m afraid only a qualified professional can help you undo that level of fuck up-ery.”
“Spin the bottle is so juvenile. Unless the bottle is a bottle of tequila and every time it lands on you you have to take a shot. Sure you’ll still end up kissing some loser, but at least everyone will be too drunk to care or tease you about it the next day.”
“Don’t lick the icing off my fingers ever again.”
“Everybody knows England isn’t a real place.”
“I’m going to have to call your mother on you this time.”
“Guess who’s having a baby? Not me, my uterus is throwing a tantrum and I need you to either let me rip your head off or bring me ice cream and watch Titanic with me.”
“If we go to Hawaii I’m going to find an active volcano to push him into.”
“Okay, we COULD invite your mother over to play Scrabble, or we could just have sex and… not do that.”
“So I’ve decided we need to buy a hippo and name it Hulk.”
“Will you please break into the library with me to help me return my overdue books? Every time I go in to pay a fine the librarian gives me this judgmental look and if I have to see it again I’m either going to cry or set the place on fire.”
“How many mirrors has your face broken in your lifetime?”
“Peter Pan came to me in a dream last night and told me to tell you to go fuck yourself.”