Today I walk into work and there are a ton of people in my building and it’s kind of a mess and everyone is talking and I sort of just blurt out:
“Man, it’s a zoo in here!”
Everyone stopped and looked at me as though I had 2 heads.
Then I realized.
I work at a zoo.
Update: my boss was talking about how he was really excited for an entire week of vacation and was wondering what he should do, so I looked him dead in the eye and told him, with a straight face,
“You should visit the local Zoo, I heard it’s really nice.”
Under pain of death I am no longer allowed to make any zoo related jokes.
Part three: I was cleaning the squirrel monkeys and one of them kept trying to climb up me so I sort of just yelled
“WILL YOU STOP MONKEYING AROUND??”
I forgot my boss was in the next room and he walked and just glared at me
Another update:
I was in the reptile house and one of the new interns looked like they needed some help grabbing a snake so I just blurted out:
“Let me slither on over there and help”
They actually appreciated the pun XD
So I’m in the kangaroo yard and my boss says “they need more water, hop to it.” And I kind of look at him not sure if he said that on purpose but he looks back with such horror and just whispers “I hope you’re happy” and walks away.
I hope you’re happy
I hop you’re happy.
This is amazing
((gonna go to bed. night night
My Fingers Slipped @partyplanningforsuckers The heat only seemed to be packed in at the circus, with the hundreds of citizens that had swarmed like ants and the intense rides that seemed to have a life of their own. The smell of sugary cotton candy and popcorn was enough to lure anyone who had just come from a days work, the circus was the place to be. With a circle of sand and tigers, along with swinging trapeze and double jointed dancers, the main stage was selling ticket for such a view.
Carlos hadn’t been to a circus in years – not since he was little. But there had been a raffle at work and Carlos had won a coupon for a free ticket. He kinda hoped that his brother and/or his dad were in town so he could invite them to go with him.
Carlos made his way to the ticket office that was set up, standing in the line with his coupon as he looked at everything around him. Some things were different than what he remembered or imagined a circus to be like, but not everything could be a dated cliche trope he supposed.
Once at the ticket office he smiled and offered the coupon. “Hey… this any good?” he asked in a joking manner.
“No..
A-and the whole burning at daylight thing is a lie, it’s just a bit of a
sunburn..” He explained with a wave of his hand, biting into his sleeve
and digging his fangs into it. “I can still do everything I used to do
when I was a human.. But now I drink blood and hypnotize people..”Carlos started to type more into his ipad. “You can hypnotize people, huh?” he asked. “Are there any special requirements for hypnosis? I mean, how difficult is it?”
His eyes flickered up, attempting to meet Carlos’ own darker ones as he chewed on his sleeve. “It’s easy.. I just have to touch them while I do it, so I can regulate their pulse and make sure they don’t die..”
“Ah, okay,” Carlos said with a nod. “Interesting. Is that the extent of your expanded abilities since becoming a vampire?”
My Fingers Slipped @partyplanningforsuckers The heat only seemed to be packed in at the circus, with the hundreds of citizens that had swarmed like ants and the intense rides that seemed to have a life of their own. The smell of sugary cotton candy and popcorn was enough to lure anyone who had just come from a days work, the circus was the place to be. With a circle of sand and tigers, along with swinging trapeze and double jointed dancers, the main stage was selling ticket for such a view.
Carlos hadn’t been to a circus in years – not since he was little. But there had been a raffle at work and Carlos had won a coupon for a free ticket. He kinda hoped that his brother and/or his dad were in town so he could invite them to go with him.
Carlos made his way to the ticket office that was set up, standing in the line with his coupon as he looked at everything around him. Some things were different than what he remembered or imagined a circus to be like, but not everything could be a dated cliche trope he supposed.
Once at the ticket office he smiled and offered the coupon. “Hey… this any good?” he asked in a joking manner.
“No..
A-and the whole burning at daylight thing is a lie, it’s just a bit of a
sunburn..” He explained with a wave of his hand, biting into his sleeve
and digging his fangs into it. “I can still do everything I used to do
when I was a human.. But now I drink blood and hypnotize people..”
Carlos started to type more into his ipad. “You can hypnotize people, huh?” he asked. “Are there any special requirements for hypnosis? I mean, how difficult is it?”
My Fingers Slipped @partyplanningforsuckers The heat only seemed to be packed in at the circus, with the hundreds of citizens that had swarmed like ants and the intense rides that seemed to have a life of their own. The smell of sugary cotton candy and popcorn was enough to lure anyone who had just come from a days work, the circus was the place to be. With a circle of sand and tigers, along with swinging trapeze and double jointed dancers, the main stage was selling ticket for such a view.
Carlos hadn’t been to a circus in years – not since he was little. But there had been a raffle at work and Carlos had won a coupon for a free ticket. He kinda hoped that his brother and/or his dad were in town so he could invite them to go with him.
Carlos made his way to the ticket office that was set up, standing in the line with his coupon as he looked at everything around him. Some things were different than what he remembered or imagined a circus to be like, but not everything could be a dated cliche trope he supposed.
Once at the ticket office he smiled and offered the coupon. “Hey… this any good?” he asked in a joking manner.
“Okay,
I’m a little confused but whatever.. You wanna learn more about me, go
ahead I’m not going anywhere anytime soon..” The acrobat smiled warmly,
he still couldn’t quite figure out why Carlos thought he killed people.
It was probably just a human thing.“Alright,” Carlos said. “Are you okay if I ask you a few questions? Like, about your background that can help me learn more about vampires? You’re the first one I’ve seen and though I know about them in theory, I’d like to dispel any inaccuracies that I’ve heard right away.”
Right away it was like being in an interview, he sat up straight and brushed his hair back behind his pointed ears, a chuckle between his lips as he crossed his ankles. “Well, what do you wanna know?” He began, an eager expression painted over his face.
“Well, let’s start with the beginning, I guess. You said earlier, up until you were like 20, you were normal. Do you want to expand on that for me?” Carlos was busy closing up samples and after pulling off his gloves he reached for his tablet and opened the document app to start taking notes.
He tapped his fingers along the table in thought, before he licked his lips and started speaking in a nervous manner. “W-Well that was when I went out with a bunch of friends for the party, and I got mixed up with this guy who bit me..” He chuckled, “You know, I didn’t think much of it because we were.. you know.. But the next morning I had such a pounding head ache and I felt like my teeth were being pulled,”
There was a soft sigh, as he rubbed his neck. “I had to go to the hospital because I had no pulse.. They didn’t understand why I wasn’t dead..”
Carlos nodded as he listened to the story. “Okay… did this happen in Red Mesa? Or somewhere else?” If it was in Red Mesa, then Carlos wondered if there were more vampires in the surrounding towns.
“Of course it happened there, I hadn’t joined the circus yet..” He trailed off nervously, wondering if this was just a proces of weeding out the ugly genetics, maybe Carlos had known all along! “Is that it? For questions?”
Carlos just made some more notes on his ipad. “Not quite. What other differences did you notice immediately when you were bitten? Did you feel any different?”
“No.. It was just really deep and sharp, I thought he was gonna rip my throat out.” With a chuckle and a tilt from his head, he attempted to glance over Carlos’ notes. “It was only until the next morning when everything came crashing down..”
“How so?” Carlos prompted, turning his head up to look at Skip. “Did you feel different than any other morning?”
“Thirsty..” He muttered, hanging his head a bit and nervously tugged at his collar as he sighed over parted full lips, “Very thirsty, all of the time.. Until I bit into someone,”
Carlos paused his typing for a moment. “Are you… comfortable with talking about what happened then?” he asked slowly.
He bit at his lip, feeling as though it would be best if he just blurted. “I got a rush and I’d gorge myself on these young men and they’d pay me money, it was comfortable living to say the least. It used to be so great,” Sighing whistfully, “It was so warm and filling, it made my heart get all hot and made me so dizzy and drunk.. It was godly.”
“They were wiling to do this?” Carlos asked. “Huh… I honestly didn’t see that sort of thing coming… But okay. Did you have to change any of your habits since being bitten? Like, the hours you kept?”
i tried sneezing the nickel out but i think it somehow made it worse…
Oh lord… okay, okay. Don’t do anything else. Just wait a second… the pliers are clean now so I can start… looking at what I have to deal with. *gets an LED flashlight to shine*
hey maybe we could use your pliers to get the nickel out of my nose!
*sighs* Okay. Hang tight, lemme sanitize them first… *goes to find a bottle of rubbing alcohol*
isn’t medicine just people science
Basically 🙂
My Fingers Slipped @partyplanningforsuckers The heat only seemed to be packed in at the circus, with the hundreds of citizens that had swarmed like ants and the intense rides that seemed to have a life of their own. The smell of sugary cotton candy and popcorn was enough to lure anyone who had just come from a days work, the circus was the place to be. With a circle of sand and tigers, along with swinging trapeze and double jointed dancers, the main stage was selling ticket for such a view.
Carlos hadn’t been to a circus in years – not since he was little. But there had been a raffle at work and Carlos had won a coupon for a free ticket. He kinda hoped that his brother and/or his dad were in town so he could invite them to go with him.
Carlos made his way to the ticket office that was set up, standing in the line with his coupon as he looked at everything around him. Some things were different than what he remembered or imagined a circus to be like, but not everything could be a dated cliche trope he supposed.
Once at the ticket office he smiled and offered the coupon. “Hey… this any good?” he asked in a joking manner.
“Okay,
I’m a little confused but whatever.. You wanna learn more about me, go
ahead I’m not going anywhere anytime soon..” The acrobat smiled warmly,
he still couldn’t quite figure out why Carlos thought he killed people.
It was probably just a human thing.“Alright,” Carlos said. “Are you okay if I ask you a few questions? Like, about your background that can help me learn more about vampires? You’re the first one I’ve seen and though I know about them in theory, I’d like to dispel any inaccuracies that I’ve heard right away.”
Right away it was like being in an interview, he sat up straight and brushed his hair back behind his pointed ears, a chuckle between his lips as he crossed his ankles. “Well, what do you wanna know?” He began, an eager expression painted over his face.
“Well, let’s start with the beginning, I guess. You said earlier, up until you were like 20, you were normal. Do you want to expand on that for me?” Carlos was busy closing up samples and after pulling off his gloves he reached for his tablet and opened the document app to start taking notes.
He tapped his fingers along the table in thought, before he licked his lips and started speaking in a nervous manner. “W-Well that was when I went out with a bunch of friends for the party, and I got mixed up with this guy who bit me..” He chuckled, “You know, I didn’t think much of it because we were.. you know.. But the next morning I had such a pounding head ache and I felt like my teeth were being pulled,”
There was a soft sigh, as he rubbed his neck. “I had to go to the hospital because I had no pulse.. They didn’t understand why I wasn’t dead..”
Carlos nodded as he listened to the story. “Okay… did this happen in Red Mesa? Or somewhere else?” If it was in Red Mesa, then Carlos wondered if there were more vampires in the surrounding towns.
“Of course it happened there, I hadn’t joined the circus yet..” He trailed off nervously, wondering if this was just a proces of weeding out the ugly genetics, maybe Carlos had known all along! “Is that it? For questions?”
Carlos just made some more notes on his ipad. “Not quite. What other differences did you notice immediately when you were bitten? Did you feel any different?”
“No.. It was just really deep and sharp, I thought he was gonna rip my throat out.” With a chuckle and a tilt from his head, he attempted to glance over Carlos’ notes. “It was only until the next morning when everything came crashing down..”
“How so?” Carlos prompted, turning his head up to look at Skip. “Did you feel different than any other morning?”
“Thirsty..” He muttered, hanging his head a bit and nervously tugged at his collar as he sighed over parted full lips, “Very thirsty, all of the time.. Until I bit into someone,”
Carlos paused his typing for a moment. “Are you… comfortable with talking about what happened then?” he asked slowly.
i can fit a penny in my nose!
…
*Carlos gets a pair of pliers* I’m just… preparing myself. Because I’m sure I”m going to have to help you get it out.
The Perfect Scientist 