Why on earth hasn’t anyone invented a less terrifying way to open biscuits and cinnamon rolls???? 😩
because squishing that much biscuit into that little space teeters on the edge of hubris. the pop is to keep us humble. to remind us that death comes for all
Carlos went out into the storm with his equipment, since the weather was really interesting around Sleepy Peak Peak (what, with Spooky island and that one side of the lake always being covered in dark, foreboding clouds).
As he approached one of the locations of a lightning strike however he paused, seeing a person on the ground. Oh no – did it strike someone?
Carlos hurried over and dropped his equipment to the side to start inspecting the body for life.
“He-hello? Hello, can you hear me? Sir?”
J: “Nope” he crossed his arms over his stomach, glancing back at Carlos “Believe Me when I say actually tried though..”
“Should I pick up some drugs to help you?” Carlos asked. “Benadryll or Melatonin or something? You need to rest to heal…”
J: “I probably have some at home still.. Rest isn’t just just sleep, Though”
“You’re not at home, remember?” Carlos asked. “That’s why I’m asking.”
J: he chuckles “I know I’m not at home, I’m just saying I can rest when I get home”
“Are you even strong enough to get yourself back at this point?” Carlos asked him.
J: “Probably” he shrugged again “Even if I’m not, I can just text My brother or Boyfriend..”
“Is he on Earth right now?” Carlos asked. “Wait, does your phone actually get service here?”
J: he looked abit confused “My phone doesn’t usually reach hell, But at least Anthony’s usually on earth..”
“So… your brother makes frequent trips here? What for?”
J: “My brother and I have the same job, but that means one of us has to work the long hours while the other stays at our house”
“What’s your job? If you don’t mind me asking…”
J: he glanced away “I.. Collect contracts..”
“Contracts? Like… souls?”
J: he rubs the back of his neck “No one can pick their job in hell..”
“I found you beat half to death in a dumpster. When I said I would call 9-1-1 you punched me in the face and said no before passing out.”
“Holy shit you look terrible.”
“Can’t go to my place, I’m making poison in my kitchen.”
“This is the tenth half-eaten corpse I’ve seen. It’s still kinda horrifying but less horrifying than the first time I saw one.”
“Yeah, that’s right, go wander off and commit murder somewhere else.”
Everything about your life makes so much sense now.”
“I don’t know, that sounds like a ‘fuck off’ kind of growl.”
“There’s a girl snorting cocaine off the counter in the bathroom. Just thought you’d wanna know.”
“I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news: some of this blood is mine. The bad news: most of it is mine. And I’m going to pass out.”
“After the fight some dude catcalled me on the way home so I turned around and spat a bunch of blood at his feet. Never seen someone regret doing something so fast.”
“Is that a fucking dragon?”
“That is genuinely disturbing.”
“Don’t smile. You have the smile of a serial killer.”
“This is surprisingly not the worst thing we’ve done. This is like, maybe halfway up the list.”
Carlos went out into the storm with his equipment, since the weather was really interesting around Sleepy Peak Peak (what, with Spooky island and that one side of the lake always being covered in dark, foreboding clouds).
As he approached one of the locations of a lightning strike however he paused, seeing a person on the ground. Oh no – did it strike someone?
Carlos hurried over and dropped his equipment to the side to start inspecting the body for life.
“He-hello? Hello, can you hear me? Sir?”
J: “Nope” he crossed his arms over his stomach, glancing back at Carlos “Believe Me when I say actually tried though..”
“Should I pick up some drugs to help you?” Carlos asked. “Benadryll or Melatonin or something? You need to rest to heal…”
J: “I probably have some at home still.. Rest isn’t just just sleep, Though”
“You’re not at home, remember?” Carlos asked. “That’s why I’m asking.”
J: he chuckles “I know I’m not at home, I’m just saying I can rest when I get home”
“Are you even strong enough to get yourself back at this point?” Carlos asked him.
J: “Probably” he shrugged again “Even if I’m not, I can just text My brother or Boyfriend..”
“Is he on Earth right now?” Carlos asked. “Wait, does your phone actually get service here?”
J: he looked abit confused “My phone doesn’t usually reach hell, But at least Anthony’s usually on earth..”
“So… your brother makes frequent trips here? What for?”
J: “My brother and I have the same job, but that means one of us has to work the long hours while the other stays at our house”
If anyone can tell me a good dad joke, maybe I’ll take back what I said about disliking them. Maybe.
I thought the one about walking uphill was pretty good.
…that was a dad joke? Huh, I guess it just flew over my head..
Yeah… right over your head. Just like that gullible. Did you see it?
N-no..?
You know what, I think I’m too stupid for dad jokes. I just don’t get any of them.
No, no, you’re not too stupid. It just takes some people a little time. And I’m just messing with you – that’s what some jokes do.
Yeah, I guess. My dad should’ve used other jokes, maybe then I’d get more of them today. But alas, he didn’t. But I’m sure once I understand them I’ll either groan in annoyance or laugh.
The best ones are where you laugh, but groan because part of you knows the joke is stupid and you laughed anyway. 🙂
Carlos went out into the storm with his equipment, since the weather was really interesting around Sleepy Peak Peak (what, with Spooky island and that one side of the lake always being covered in dark, foreboding clouds).
As he approached one of the locations of a lightning strike however he paused, seeing a person on the ground. Oh no – did it strike someone?
Carlos hurried over and dropped his equipment to the side to start inspecting the body for life.
“He-hello? Hello, can you hear me? Sir?”
J: “Nope” he crossed his arms over his stomach, glancing back at Carlos “Believe Me when I say actually tried though..”
“Should I pick up some drugs to help you?” Carlos asked. “Benadryll or Melatonin or something? You need to rest to heal…”
J: “I probably have some at home still.. Rest isn’t just just sleep, Though”
“You’re not at home, remember?” Carlos asked. “That’s why I’m asking.”
J: he chuckles “I know I’m not at home, I’m just saying I can rest when I get home”
“Are you even strong enough to get yourself back at this point?” Carlos asked him.
J: “Probably” he shrugged again “Even if I’m not, I can just text My brother or Boyfriend..”
“Is he on Earth right now?” Carlos asked. “Wait, does your phone actually get service here?”
J: he looked abit confused “My phone doesn’t usually reach hell, But at least Anthony’s usually on earth..”
“So… your brother makes frequent trips here? What for?”
J: “My brother and I have the same job, but that means one of us has to work the long hours while the other stays at our house”
The Perfect Scientist 