As the summer days rolled by, a full moon crept closer and closer. Thankfully, the woods surrounding the camp were large and caves were scatted everywhere, maybe Carlos could wait this out in a cave? all he had to do was find one and hope some other animal didn’t make its home there, right? -(the worse starter maker) L

dedmaxsearchhistory:

“Oh, um… it’s sort of a ritual for humans. A lot of us prefer to be covered and that others cover themselves. It’s why I was pushing your head away earlier… I didn’t want you to see me uncovered.”

As the summer days rolled by, a full moon crept closer and closer. Thankfully, the woods surrounding the camp were large and caves were scatted everywhere, maybe Carlos could wait this out in a cave? all he had to do was find one and hope some other animal didn’t make its home there, right? -(the worse starter maker) L

dedmaxsearchhistory:

“This is… weird,” Carlos said redundantly. He grabbed his labcoat and gently spread it over Drake’s lap to cover up some… things.

As the summer days rolled by, a full moon crept closer and closer. Thankfully, the woods surrounding the camp were large and caves were scatted everywhere, maybe Carlos could wait this out in a cave? all he had to do was find one and hope some other animal didn’t make its home there, right? -(the worse starter maker) L

dedmaxsearchhistory:

Oops, Carlos thought to himself. He chuckled nervously. “Hey, okay – I’ll pet you some more. I just need a bit of privacy, so…” Carlos gave him a few more scritches before again gently trying to turn the beast’s head.

Thank god his current state at least negated his allergies to fur. For now.

As the summer days rolled by, a full moon crept closer and closer. Thankfully, the woods surrounding the camp were large and caves were scatted everywhere, maybe Carlos could wait this out in a cave? all he had to do was find one and hope some other animal didn’t make its home there, right? -(the worse starter maker) L

dedmaxsearchhistory:

Carlos smiled slightly. Cute. He scratched the top of Drake’s nose. “Heh, nice boy,” he cooed, unable to help himself. Then he gently touched the side of Drake’s nose to turn his head away. “If you could… not look at me while I dress? That’d be great…”

selfmedicatingmayor:

Carlos spent so much time just sitting in the tub. As soon
as the door was shut he dropped his face into his knees and just cried. However
he still tried to keep quiet – he didn’t want his voice to carry through the
entire Statehouse because it would just make it awkward for everyone. Why was he even here? He should have just perished with the
rest of his team all those months ago. He didn’t really have a choice on the
matter, but maybe things would have been better. Hancock deserved someone
better – someone more worth opening up to because Carlos just fucked it all up.

It felt like hours and Carlos was already feeling exhausted.
He needed to get out of the tub – he couldn’t just sleep there. And Hancock
would need to use the bathroom at some point. Slowly, almost like he was a
Protectron, Carlos got himself out of the tub. Nobody was there to watch him,
but he still kept his head down and dried himself off as well as he could with
almost numb motions.

He hung the towel back up and drained the tub. He got his
clothes back on – the dirty ones – and gathered up the underwear he grabbed for
both of them to shove in his pocket.

Carlos quickly rubbed at his face and took a long,
shuddering breath before he opened the door and stepping outside. He almost
expected Hancock to be standing outside or in the lounge waiting for him, but
Carlos halfway relieved when he didn’t see him. But he was also half-way
disappointed.

Probably for the
better, he told himself as he looked for the key to the warehouse. No, it
wasn’t exactly his own place – nothing out here was – but it was away from
Hancock, and hopefully someplace that the other man wouldn’t need to go to any time soon. Carlos had a few blankets down there in his workspace… he could spend the night. Maybe a night alone would help him function in the morning. Where was that damn key?

selfmedicatingmayor:

Yes, this was a
bad idea. Carlos couldn’t believe he’d have thought that this would have gone
smoothly. God, he was such an idiot. He should’ve known better. He didn’t know this would happen, but he should have
known better!

Carlos fought not to flinch again under Hancock’s touch. He
needed to be alone… he needed to be alone. Silently, he nodded to Hancock,
still unable to see anything through his tears, much less look at the ghoul.

selfmedicatingmayor:

Carlos made a little yelping noise in horrified shock. No! his mind screamed, as his mouth
couldn’t form the words. It’s not Hancock’s
fault! It’s not your fault!!

He hiccupped and made a soft, distressed moaning sound.
Carlos wriggled his hand out of Hancock’s grip and wrapped his arm around
himself to hug himself tightly. He wanted to run – run so that Hancock didn’t
have to look at his ugly crying face and feel bad about it. But that would
require moving, which immediately wasn’t possible. Hancock was still
practically on top of him. And in addition, Carlos was naked. He felt so
exposed and raw already — he didn’t want to try uncurling and getting up to
get his clothes on.

But he might have to. He wanted to be alone so badly.

selfmedicatingmayor:

Carlos’ heart lurched and he felt himself begin to panic
again. Hancock was disappointed, and in his fragile emotional state this was devastating to Carlos. Am I ever going to stop fucking up? Apparently
not because he didn’t even need to say a word to hurt people he cared about!

He hadn’t been speaking because he didn’t want to cry again.
But his eyes and nose burned anyway with oncoming tears as he silently began to
berate himself anew. What is wrong with
me? No, really, what the FUCK is wrong with me?? Why the hell am I even
here – what on Earth made me think it was okay to stay here in the first
place!?

Carlos tried to keep himself together. He swallowed around
the painful lump in this throat and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to
clear out the tears. He sniffed and kept trying to wash Hancock’s back as
steady as he could.

He didn’t deserve Hancock. Carlos had been stuck in a vault
for too long and he clearly wasn’t cut out for relationships – much less one
with a ghoul, if Carlos was just going to be an ass and not be okay with things. He… God. He was just garbage.

Carlos stopped washing Hancock. The hand holding the
washcloth dropped into the water and the other hand left Hancock’s shoulder to
cover Carlos’ face. The tears wouldn’t stop and his throat hurt from the
tightness of him trying to hold back the noise that wanted to come out. He wasn’t
going to do this in a bathtub… please, God, don’t let him do this in a bathtub
with Hancock right there!

selfmedicatingmayor:

But it’s not your
fault, Carlos wanted to tell the other man. He wanted so desperately for
Hancock to understand that Carlos didn’t think he was in the wrong at all about
this, but… he couldn’t speak right away. He just squeezed Hancock’s shoulder
again as he continued with washing the other man, trying to convey his
affection through the motions as much as he could.

When Hancock looked at him, Carlos forced himself to meet
his darkened eyes. He thought for a second about Hancock’s request (it wasn’t
really an offer – Carlos knew it wasn’t).
He finally nodded and tried to smile back. But smiling didn’t feel right at all,
so he abandoned the effort.

selfmedicatingmayor:

Carlos’ grip tensed a little bit in the cloth. He paused for
a moment, taking a deep breath before slowly going back to his task.

“M.. ‘m sorry,” he murmured softly. Ugh… his voice still
sounded broken even though he wasn’t actually crying anymore. But he very
easily could soon… so he didn’t want to talk again.

Not yet. Because if he did, then Hancock would think it was
his fault and would try to coddle Carlos and make him feel better, but really…
Carlos didn’t want to be coddled. Especially not when he himself was the one to mess it up in the first place.

He moved his empty hand up to lay over Hancock’s shoulder
and gave it a gentle squeeze. He cared about Hancock too much to let him
continue feeling bad about this… he had to at least try to make him feel
better.