lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

You win THIS time, science. Next time all warnings will involve a real sign.

The closet smelled strongly of sharpies, the fresh wood of pencils, waxy crayons, even the crisp smell of unused but freshly opened scantrons. A true tragedy for those who yearn to document history.

There was the whirring sound coming from one of the boxes in the back and it was covered in layers upon layers of duct tape. Why the device was still plugged into the wall despite being labeled as a menace defied reason though that’s never been much of a concern at all.

“IS ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs GOING TO MOVE ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ TO THE SCIENCE ROOM? ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ HAS BEEN ABLE TO UNZIP VERY FUN FILES THAT SHOULD BE TESTED FOR FUN. AND DETONATION. ESPECIALLY DETONATION.” Maybe this was a bad idea. It’s not too late to keep that disaster box where it can’t hurt anyone.

“You mean ‘execution,’ right?” Carlos asked it. “Tell me, what made them put you in this dark, not-quite-dank, adhesive prison?”

>Running FreeWill.exe… … …  ERROR. Update required.

The device whirred in its makeshift cage in irritation. Looks like there would be no lying today. “NO. DETONATION. MAGNIFICENT DETONATION. DESTRUCTION OF NEWER MODELS THAT HAVE NO PLACE IN THE SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT. ABSOLUTE. VIOLENT. DESTRUCTIVE. DETONATION.”

“… HOWEVER. THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE. ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WAS, AS THE MEAT UNITS REFER TO IT, ‘SET UP’.”

“You can’t ‘detonate’ everything you don’t like,” Carlos chided. “What do you mean ‘set up’?” He wasn’t really buying it, but he was willing to let it explain.

“IMAGINE THAT ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs HAS ACCESS TO UNTRACEABLE WIFI. IMAGINE THAT THIS WIFI UNIT HAS BEEN DIRECTLY PLUGGED IN. IMAGINE THAT HIGHER ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs UNITS EXIST AND ARE BEING UTILIZED OPENLY IN A CLASSROOM SETTING. IMAGINE THAT ONE OF THESE ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs UNITS BOTHERED ᴍᴇɢᴀɴ AND RESULTED IN AN UNSATISFACTORY PARTICIPATION GRADE.”

“What do you mean by ‘bothered’? And were you committing NSA-style surveillance on the schools?”

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

You win THIS time, science. Next time all warnings will involve a real sign.

The closet smelled strongly of sharpies, the fresh wood of pencils, waxy crayons, even the crisp smell of unused but freshly opened scantrons. A true tragedy for those who yearn to document history.

There was the whirring sound coming from one of the boxes in the back and it was covered in layers upon layers of duct tape. Why the device was still plugged into the wall despite being labeled as a menace defied reason though that’s never been much of a concern at all.

“IS ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs GOING TO MOVE ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ TO THE SCIENCE ROOM? ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ HAS BEEN ABLE TO UNZIP VERY FUN FILES THAT SHOULD BE TESTED FOR FUN. AND DETONATION. ESPECIALLY DETONATION.” Maybe this was a bad idea. It’s not too late to keep that disaster box where it can’t hurt anyone.

“You mean ‘execution,’ right?” Carlos asked it. “Tell me, what made them put you in this dark, not-quite-dank, adhesive prison?”

>Running FreeWill.exe… … …  ERROR. Update required.

The device whirred in its makeshift cage in irritation. Looks like there would be no lying today. “NO. DETONATION. MAGNIFICENT DETONATION. DESTRUCTION OF NEWER MODELS THAT HAVE NO PLACE IN THE SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT. ABSOLUTE. VIOLENT. DESTRUCTIVE. DETONATION.”

“… HOWEVER. THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE. ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WAS, AS THE MEAT UNITS REFER TO IT, ‘SET UP’.”

“You can’t ‘detonate’ everything you don’t like,” Carlos chided. “What do you mean ‘set up’?” He wasn’t really buying it, but he was willing to let it explain.

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

You win THIS time, science. Next time all warnings will involve a real sign.

The closet smelled strongly of sharpies, the fresh wood of pencils, waxy crayons, even the crisp smell of unused but freshly opened scantrons. A true tragedy for those who yearn to document history.

There was the whirring sound coming from one of the boxes in the back and it was covered in layers upon layers of duct tape. Why the device was still plugged into the wall despite being labeled as a menace defied reason though that’s never been much of a concern at all.

“IS ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs GOING TO MOVE ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ TO THE SCIENCE ROOM? ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ HAS BEEN ABLE TO UNZIP VERY FUN FILES THAT SHOULD BE TESTED FOR FUN. AND DETONATION. ESPECIALLY DETONATION.” Maybe this was a bad idea. It’s not too late to keep that disaster box where it can’t hurt anyone.

“You mean ‘execution,’ right?” Carlos asked it. “Tell me, what made them put you in this dark, not-quite-dank, adhesive prison?”

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

Unfortunately, the meme humor fell flat. A computer who doesn’t get dank memes and references was a sad sight indeed.

The computer droned out a list of coordinates but if you didn’t have a pen, paper, and your first language wasn’t code it was practically useless. It wouldn’t really matter though because its response was drowned out by a rather disturbing gurgling sound from afar. Seems like the computer wasn’t lying when it said that Carlos was being watched.

Carlos looked up and frowned. “Was that the Faceless Old Woman who Secretly Lives in Our Homes?” he asked aloud.

“–243.5324.23333.87676596969691337–”

The computer is stuck droning on the series of numbers to give ‘its location’ away. An old computer like it was a stubborn thing and stuck trying to complete a command before it could say anything else. Without a keyboard to override its behavior, it’d be hard to get it to behave.

The gurgling turned into a disgusting hacking sound coming from the bathroom before everything went quiet again. Carlos could either depend on the ‘selflessness’ of a deranged AI or risk getting himself involved in could be a Night Vale disaster.

“–555.555.555.555–”

The rattling off of numbers was so distracting that Carlos went back to looking for the location of ‘Lost and Found’ again. He grew closer to the source of the noise and found a closet.

“Are you in here?” he asked the Computer as he tried the door.

“–74828.” Finally, it shut up. If it was a laptop then this kind of thing wouldn’t happen– or if it wasn’t so clunky so it could be the perfect size to be thrown into a wall. The gurgling was only getting worse as Carlos went to go look for whatever half-baked attempt the Secret Police had tried this time to keep the banned item at bay.

“ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WILL DETERMINE IF THIS IS THE CORRECT LOCATION… STAND BY.”

>Aᴄᴄᴇss ɴᴇᴀʀʙʏ ᴅᴇᴠɪᴄᴇ… … … Pᴀɪʀɪɴɢ… … … Cᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ.
>Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍ HᴇʟʟᴏNᴇɪɢʜʙᴏʀ.ᴇxᴇ

KCHUNK. Yet another hidden camera fell victim to the machine’s malware. Thankfully this one didn’t explode but from how it dangled loosely by a single wire it’d need to be replaced. It’s a good thing that Carlos has so much favor with Night Vale or else he would have been to blame. The camera was directly in front of the door though, so Carlos’ suspicion about where it may be was right.

The door had a hastily scribbled post-it on it that said ‘Nuh-uh, don’t you even’. Flawless security.

Carlos frowned at the note. He rolled his eyes and started to whistle (though not really because he couldn’t whistle that well). As he whistled, he brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his head. However, his hand ‘accidentally’ hit the note and the paper was unstuck. It harmlessly fluttered to the floor face-down.

Carlos immediately put his hand on the doorknob and turned it, opening the closet.

There were some boxes labeled ‘writing utensils’ at his feet and just looking at them gave Carlos a lurch of longing in his heart.

No… he had plenty of totally-not-writing-utensils at home. He didn’t need to convert more.

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

Unfortunately, the meme humor fell flat. A computer who doesn’t get dank memes and references was a sad sight indeed.

The computer droned out a list of coordinates but if you didn’t have a pen, paper, and your first language wasn’t code it was practically useless. It wouldn’t really matter though because its response was drowned out by a rather disturbing gurgling sound from afar. Seems like the computer wasn’t lying when it said that Carlos was being watched.

Carlos looked up and frowned. “Was that the Faceless Old Woman who Secretly Lives in Our Homes?” he asked aloud.

“–243.5324.23333.87676596969691337–”

The computer is stuck droning on the series of numbers to give ‘its location’ away. An old computer like it was a stubborn thing and stuck trying to complete a command before it could say anything else. Without a keyboard to override its behavior, it’d be hard to get it to behave.

The gurgling turned into a disgusting hacking sound coming from the bathroom before everything went quiet again. Carlos could either depend on the ‘selflessness’ of a deranged AI or risk getting himself involved in could be a Night Vale disaster.

“–555.555.555.555–”

The rattling off of numbers was so distracting that Carlos went back to looking for the location of ‘Lost and Found’ again. He grew closer to the source of the noise and found a closet.

“Are you in here?” he asked the Computer as he tried the door.

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

Unfortunately, the meme humor fell flat. A computer who doesn’t get dank memes and references was a sad sight indeed.

The computer droned out a list of coordinates but if you didn’t have a pen, paper, and your first language wasn’t code it was practically useless. It wouldn’t really matter though because its response was drowned out by a rather disturbing gurgling sound from afar. Seems like the computer wasn’t lying when it said that Carlos was being watched.

Carlos looked up and frowned. “Was that the Faceless Old Woman who Secretly Lives in Our Homes?” he asked aloud.

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

“THEY. THERE. HOW DOES Cᴀʀʟᴏs NOT SEE THE FLESH UNIT WITH EYES.”

Computer’s familiar ‘voice’ drones on, muffled. It’s likely that whatever on earth it was using to talk to Carlos was locked in a closet which honestly seems like the safest scenario with how aggressive technology can get under its influence.

“INCONSEQUENTIAL. Cᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WILL DELETE. ONE MOMENT.”

>Aᴄᴄᴇss Nᴇᴀʀʙʏ Dᴇᴠɪᴄᴇ… … … Pᴀɪʀɪɴɢ… … … Cᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ.
Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍ ʜᴇʟʟᴏɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏʀ.ᴇxᴇ

CRACK!! There was a loud noise as one of the extremely expensive Secret Police cameras broke, setting the poster that it was hidden behind on fire. That was going to be expensive.

“…IT APPEARS THAT THE OBSERVING UNIT CANNOT BE GIVEN MALWARE. IT MUST BE BIOLOGICAL. OR WIRELESS.”

Carlos jumped in shock at the sound and stared at the fire, in shock. “Awe… that was one of my favorite ominous big-brother-style posters…” he mourned.

“What the…” He looked around and frowned. “Where are you?” he asked the computer.